It’s been one year and one day since I spoke to my dad. I talked to him twice that day. He was in the hospital in NC, and I was in Al for the holidays. I called him, the first time we spoke. I hadn’t talked to him in a day or two. While we were on the phone his doctors came into the room, and so I called my brother into the room with me. The doctor was not optimistic, but I could tell my dad was frustrated with what he was saying. We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.
Later that day, I was out with my mom, sister-in-law, and nephew. We were visiting Wichahpi Commemorative Stone Wall, the longest unmortared wall in the US. My dad called back while I was walking along the path. He told me he not to listen to that doctor, and how he didn’t like him anyway. I told him I was out walking in the woods, and it was slippery. I joked about how I was a klutz and was wary of walking and talking to him on the phone at the same time. We said goodbye, or rather we said talk to you later. But we never did.
The next day my other brother flew in to Al, and I was distracted by picking him up from my aunt’s house and hanging out with him, and planning to get him back to the airport. He was only in town for one day. You see, it’s rare that the three of us are all together. It happens a few times a year, and not every holiday. We were planning on meeting up with relatives for dinner; it would be almost an hour long drive. My oldest brother had worked all day.
As we were gearing up to leave, my oldest brother came out of his session. I can’t remember the specifics, if it was during or after the session. But he told us he’d gotten a call from the hospital. They were working on dad; trying to resuscitate him. None of us had talked to him that day. We decided to continue with our plans, only slightly changed. Instead of heading to a restaurant, we were heading to my aunt’s house. As we were driving down the road, we got the call that they were unable to revive my dad. We were in two different cars, so we signaled to my mom to pull over at the gas station.
The six of us held each other in that parking lot for a few minutes, then we continued the drive. For me being with family was what I needed most at that time.
A lot happened over the next few weeks. It’s both a blur, but I also remember everything so vividly.
A little over six months ago, I moved back to the east coast after my brief stint in Cali. I know my dad would have been happy about that. My cousin and my brother both got married, one in October and one in June. He was excited about both events. A whole host of other insignificant things happened over the last year too–things I would have told him, like how after I got home from the holidays my car battery died and I needed to get a new one. Or how I get to have a special nickname for my college roommate’s son, it’s Bruce. He enjoyed hearing about the updates with my friends and their kids.
This last year has flown by, and certain songs will make me cry. I actually made a playlist, for when I want to cry. But I keep growing, and I keep moving forward because I know that’s all I can do. I like to think he’s proud to see where I am now; it’s been a struggle on so many other fronts. But I miss his advice (even if I ignored it half the time), his reassurances, and his reminders to slow down when I’m getting over being sick (because I tend to like to go full speed ahead when I should take another day).
I’m heading into year two without my dad, and making plans for my 35th birthday. If he were here, I’d tell him about my plans to go somewhere far and he’d remind me to have fun and be careful when I go. I miss my dad, and it’s weird without him.